On living a lie
I write this is in a fit of peculiarly cynical and pessimistic mood, when everything in my world seems bleak. I do not remember sharing negative aspects of life on the blog.
What is so serious?
There are days like today, when despite the weather being as pleasant it can get, I feel like life is crap. Pardon the language.
I see dreams written decades ago and not materialised. I see the mirror and realise I am far from what I’d like to look like. I see social media and find individuals living the life of their dreams (quite a good thing if true), but feel a twinge of incompleteness in not living each day as I would like to.
I have evaluated this mood from a third person’s perspective and found that I can indeed live my life as I want to. There are no significant external factors stopping me. It is me who puts my happiness on the back burner. And this has been the case for as long as I can remember. Perhaps since school days.
I would like to wake up early, I don’t. I would like to meditate, I don’t. I would like to cook new recipes, I don’t. I would like to write fiction more, I don’t.
I let life carry me adrift like a log at a sea – stormy or dormant.
I am sure you might have experienced this mood in varying intensities. Whom do you share it with? What measures do you take? I am going out for a walk, just so you know. I hope I wake up with brighter spirits tomorrow.